PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
