She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
