This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
