a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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