I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
