pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My Higher Power is John Stamos
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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