I love black thongs
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
