I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
