so that wasnt chicken after all
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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