is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
