Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
