I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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