For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
