A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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