Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
