He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
