Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
