Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
