I feel like abortions should bother me more
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
