Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
