Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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