New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
