Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So much rum. So many feels.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
