Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize