where am i from again
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
