There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
