my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
