Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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