You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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