her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
