Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
