how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
