my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
