20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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