I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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