can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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