Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
