carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I cut my penus on the lid.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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