I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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