I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
