biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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