Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
