Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
