Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
