Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
COCAINE IS GR8
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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