My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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