i jhust puked up my retainher.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
