Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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