i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
