Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
