she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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