508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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