i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
