I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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