Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
