I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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