My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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