why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
