im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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