apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
