dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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