well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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