oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
