ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
