Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
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Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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