I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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