I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize