Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
