It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
