The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
