Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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