I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
