I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize