Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
