Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
