The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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