that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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