I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
