You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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