Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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