I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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