Cold hands, warm shart.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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