Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
