is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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